Dear hyper-masculinity and those that choose to push it on to the world,

Honestly…just fuck off.

No, that’s too easy. Sit for a little bit while I pick apart your pathetic existence.

As defined by Wikipedia: Hyper-masculinity is a psychological term for the exaggeration of male stereotypical behavior, such as an emphasis on physical strength, aggression, and sexuality.

First and foremost: I’m a masculine guy. I enjoy being masculine and that’s how I choose to identify. There’s nothing wrong, in essence, with being masculine. I played football for most of my life, I lift weights, I wear men’s clothes and I do identify as a CIS male. The issue I take is with an obsession of eliminating all things feminine because it’s seen as a threat to your lifestyle. Hyper-masculine people tend to not only identify as masculine but seem hell bent on destroying anything that is not in line with their way of life. Hyper-masculine people feel as if they are owed something for being the “alpha” of the group of people. If their demands are not met willingly, they will take with no remorse. That’s my biggest issue is that hyper-masculinity takes far more than it gives.

Hyper-masculinity drove Brock Turner to rape an unconscious girl behind a dumpster in 2015. He felt owed that girl’s time and body because he was on the Stanford swim team and how dare anyone not be interested in me.

Hyper-masculinity guided George Zimmerman to gun down Trayvon Martin in 2012. The idea that he had to prove to a “suspicious” teenager when in fact he was told to take no further action by law enforcement.

Hyper-masculinity influenced my uncle to call me a “faggot” when I was a child, because I appeared to not be “quite right” for liking theater and choir growing up.

The dangers of hyper-masculinity are real, and it starts at an early age for most people. Boys in particular fall victim. From a young age I can remember the phrase “man up” being told to me when I was sad. “Grow a pair” is another popular saying. My least favorite and the source of my ire today is “don’t be such a bitch”. As early as seven years old, I remember having these told to me by my parents, my brothers, classmates, coaches and  hell even completely random people. “Don’t be such a bitch”  of course implies that you a man should never be anything weak, venerable, delicate, feminine. Hyper-masculine people claim to love women, but that’s impossible. Love means there’s a basic respect. Hyper-masculinity only what is concrete, what is in front of it. Hyper-masculine people cannot comprehend on the psychological or emotional plane that most human beings can operate.  Hyper-masculinity sees everything as a threat to its existence, which is why it takes what it cannot have. The easiest way to insult another male, especially a young male, is to call them a girl. Lord forbid if someone does anything like a girl right? Case and point: in the movie “The Sandlot”, what is the line that finally convinces the boys to play baseball against Benny’s team? “You play ball like a girl.”

There’s a joke out there that talks about “daddy issues”. The rationale behind women turning to adult entertainment for careers is “unsolved daddy issues”. I want to challenge that men grow up with daddy issues as well. The phrase “my dad never told me I love you” is a heartbreaking reality for millions of people in this country. Fathers are an intricate part of a child’s development in my opinion. Having a man there who loves, supports and shows healthy ways to cope with the disappointments of life I believe is a overlooked aspect of growing up. More times than not, you have full grown adults who expect boys to not cry when something traumatic happens. You have parent’s who will look their toddler in the eyes and say “don’t start all that crying”, a toddler people. The kid just learned how to walk and now you expect them to be in perfect regulation of their emotions? The fact that these boys grow into men that do not know how to deal with anger, jealousy, sadness, depression other than violence or abusing substances is a serious problem that stems from hyper-masculinity. There’s a lack of men in society who are able to teach their children, specifically boys, healthy ways to be masculine. You cannot tell me that a boy who grows up in an emotionally responsible house will raise emotionally responsible children. This plague of emotionally irresponsible men raising emotionally irresponsible children has been a problem for generations that will be touched on in future posts.

In summation for today: Hyper-masculinity tells you that the world (women mostly) owes you everything because you exist. I’m here to tell you hyper-masculinity that the world (women mostly) doesn’t owe you shit.

From,

Your First Black Friend

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